Round 3 Tuesday Night Tennis in Simulation

Hi Tuesday night swingers,

I must start with a couple of apologies. One from Leanne –she won’t do it again. Back to her “butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth” tennis. She Let her racquet do the talking and did it have a lot to say. The De Boos express is on a roll. But it was still 3 all against Mitch’s mob.


I am sorry to Elissa as she was writing the teams on the board last week not the betting odds. Yer sure.


My dream was cut short this week just as I got to Adam Palmer’s match point in the last deciding match. I assume he lost it. Psyched himself out!. 3 all, then, to Bob’s team. I see just before I wake up Bob being carried triumphantly off the court by his adoring fans, and Glenn, Leanne and Vin muttering that’s what we did during the matches as well.  Then Helen kicked me at the vital stage and it’s a worry as she was awake at the time.


Mitch couldn’t play this week as one of his knees was a tiny bit sore. Wise move as the Guru filled in for him and was moving like a cheetah (very fast cat) this week, last week it was a gazelle. Leigh and the Guru together means only one thing, Danger!. Jarred was swinging from the rafters with that massive serve. The racquet was smokin hot but I see it disintegrating along with his game. Player of the year, yer sure but he was. Always next dream.


The Harvey Ball Bangers had a tight 3 sets all win, with Moon winning all her matches but nobody else from her side won. Moon’s practice against the wall is now legendary, after she dealt with the initial frustration of all her shots coming back. Aya and Rod had a another win but face sanctions for bringing the club and its spiritual leader into disrepute.


Another retraction from last week as Michael W makes piano’s but does he play them?.




Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143




Tuesday Night Swingers Update. Tennis has returned

Hi There Tuesday night swingers,

Hands up those who won’t be able to resume as they cannot match pre covid19 skinfolds. For Aspendale Tennis (AT) one solider goes down and we just get another one but it won’t be in brown and gold –not a good look.


Last night I had a dream although it’s not 1963 and I’m not Martin Luther King. They were the results from Tuesday nights play, Round 7, and you wouldn’t believe it but there were some major upsets. It was so real that when I woke up I thought I was still in the dream, and I had all the scores. I’m going to count this as Round 2.


Rob De Boos team, Sexon the entecar, (Sexon being a famous kids character) had their first win of the season cleaning up the Harvey Ball Bangers captained by Andrew Judd. How did this happen?. Rob brought out his spinny little serve that does not bounce and Leanne and Tim intimidated their opponents with trash talk. The tennis was dragged into the gutter but Leanne didn’t care, they would do anything for that first win. The guru also filled in for Kurtis who was isolated at his girlfriend’s place but not sure on this one as there is no covid19 in my dream. The guru wound back the clock as he moved like a gazelle and it was very sad for him to wake up later.


In another massive upset, the Pet Wussies led by Aya Smith overcome the Slippery Slammers, not led by Adam Palmer. This finished 3 sets all but Rod and Aya wound back the clock also to win their set 6-1 as they teamed like a well oiled machine, totally in sync. How did this happen?. Aya made Rod stand wide in the doubles alley and took everything. I can see Rod talking to people on the other court. Matene and Adam went hammer and tongs and I don’t know who won that battle as the dust/en tout cas had not settled. In my dream, however, I can see Adam talking to anyone who would listen but nobody does.  Michael A, Matthew and Elissa are devastated with their first loss but Elissa laid odds on losing and has made good money. I see the odds listed on the white board.  At the very end I see Adam on the guitar and Michael W on a piano and the keg and home brew flowing freely. I see no pizza or Greg but I do see a figure keeping watch at the front gate –could there be a connection. I also can’t work out how the piano got there.


In the other match I see Mitch giving his team a pep talk on court. Most of them are looking away and showing no interest. He is animated though and then points to the net to be checked. He is after all playing Bob’s team. I see Leigh playing in a Cats jumper, and along with Mitch they proceed to play inspired tennis until Mitch hurls himself at a wide forehand, and is airborne as he tries to hit his infamous off forehand, only to crash to the ground skinning both knees. Mitch can’t go on although I have no idea why. Nothing worse than  a wounded tiger. Ben Milne comes on as a replacement and starts destroying his father’s game with scintillating forehands and backhands to all corners. The net starts to get higher and higher for Bob and he cannot even see over the top. Leanne and Vin get rolled for the first time and Vin is also asked to stand wide in the doubles alley. In a nice touch Aya and Rod are the first to commiserate with them. Then more people come over and everybody is suddenly hugging and touching.      


Tennis may return soon in NSW, WA, SA, Qld, ACT, NT and Tas. So lets cheer them all on!


Instead of a hot milo tonite, have a glass of disinfectant and your problems will be over. Just ask your Uncle Donald.


Let me know if anybody has a similar dream.




Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143




Thursday midweek ladies

ATC Thursday midweek ladies competition team 

We’re excited to report we have another Aspendale Tennis Club midweek ladies’ competition team, playing their first ever season of comp tennis!

It all started with Richard and Kieran coaching a women’s group lesson on Friday morning, for at least the last couple of years for some of us. This term we decided this is the year we can break into the ‘hardcore, longstanding comp group’ that is ‘Thurs morning midweek ladies’.

So the team is:

Ellen Jiang, Vanessa Jacobs, (both not in photo), Mary Woolford, Nicky Hersey, Louise Bodycomb and Nadia Collins. We also have honorary members of Lorraine and Jodie who wanted to join us but were unavailable Thurs mornings.

It’s been a steep learning curve for us not only regarding “who stands where on the court” and “what’s the score?” but what morning tea to bring, how much to prepare, whether we need a tablecloth etc etc!!

Most of the teams we’re playing against have been playing together and against each other for 20 years so we feel very much the new kids on the block even if some of us don’t look it. We haven’t won many matches, or even sets but we realise we need to be patient and work hard in that regard.

What it has done is bring a group of fantastic women together from all walks of life. We all get on well and enjoy each other’s company, we have fun and we’re all improving. We meet regularly to practice and not even COVID19 is stopping us do that.

Unfortunately the comp has been postponed for now but we look forward to returning with a vengeance when everything settles down again by end of 2020.

Meanwhile we feel proud of what we’ve achieved so far and that we’re doing what the medical experts are advising-keeping fit, exercising outdoors, maintaining social distance and looking after our mental health.

Look forward to keeping you posted re our progress.

Nicky Hersey (on behalf of ATC midweek ladies Thurs comp team)


Tuesday Night Tennis during the dark ages

Hi Tuesday swingers,

The world is changing forever and Tuesday night tennis must move with it or become irreverent.

We will be playing with masks and gloves on our return on the other side. 2020 AD will become 1 AC.

At least we can put the club logo on our masks. But I am not sure how the Chicken man will be able to commentate his way through a match. Sign language perhaps.


The Guru, I understand, has moved on after the netgate affair, which cost him a premiership, and then a tigers premiership (Double whammy that would destroy a lesser man) -where was Covid19 in Sept 19. Obviously alive and well in China.


A comeback may be on the cards and the Guru has already played simulated matches against some of the Tuesday night pretenders. I know he has woken up during the night playing shots to all parts of the court. I hope he can share some of these matches over the next few weeks and see who is the best simulated swinger. Some might call it mindfulness, some might call it bizarre, I would call it a little bit out there.


I hope team captains are maintaining morale with regular 4 player video hook-ups. For Rob and Aya all is not lost, nothing a new brand, new culture and new game plan can’t fix. For Mitch all is lost!


On the other side, I hope the keg still has miles left in it and that the touchy feely people return -but perhaps not.


If you have a wall at home get out there with racquet, ball and mask. See if you can beat the wall as that is what you will need to do against Palmer, De Boos and Snell –not Vin, and Bob if the net is lowered.


As the song says “keep em separated”.


Have loads of fun. Mitch, who is winning junior scrabble amongst your tennis crew?


Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143




Tuesday Night Season 2020 Round 4.

Hi Tuesday night Swingers,

After 2 rounds of play the Slippery Slammers -Adam Palmer  and Old fashioned –Bob Milne are both undefeated. However, the best name goes to Andrew Judd’s team, who have followed the cocktail theme, with Harvey Ball Bangers. Old fashioned –what type of cocktail is that, but the team is old so the name does not lie. Perhaps it is a case of too old, too slow, too good.


Bob interviewed immediately  after Tuesday night’s matches said to the Guru that he is in career best form. Bob has been known to go early on some of his calls and the old humble pie could be out on the table in a couple of weeks.


The Smith name was not trending this week after Mitch Smith’s Fluffy Ducks and Aya Smith’s Pet Wussies went down in a screaming heap. The Guru had teamed Aya and Rod together to allow them to capitalise on their great togetherness and mental telepathy on the court where they would play as one seamless unit. Perhaps the thick humid air blocked those waves as they went down 6-0. Humiliated but not disgraced. They need take a leaf out of Vin and Leanne’s book at least until the storm clouds roll in on their court.


 Rob De Boos’ team is Sexon the entecar. What the hell!. Is that your baby’s favourite cartoon.




Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143




Open Day

Sunday 16th February 2020 from 12am

Fun activities for all ages with our coach and his team plus other activities you can come and indulge in, as an individual or with your family.

Discounted memberships available for any new members who join up on the day

FREE TENNIS 12pm—2pm

Tuesday night Comp starts on 11 February. Not too Late


Hi Tuesday Night Swingers,


We kick off next Tuesday night. Please be there at 7.15 for your riding instructions.

We have lost some players, especially younger ones. They just don’t make them like they used to. The Guru is an emergency and you can’t blame him for maintaining his reputation by not being associated with the lower standard. Bob has been moved from No 5 to No 1 –say no more!

There will be no bye this season with 6 teams and there will be no comp during school holidays.


Let’s make the Guru eat his words.


New Season 2020

Player 1

Player 2

Player 3

Player 4

Team 1

Cobey Smith

Ali Samirad

Andrew Judd ©

Moon Liu

Team 2

Mitch Smith ©

Greg Jones

Jarred Porch

Leigh Clarke

Team 3

Matene Herbert

Rod Smith

Aya Smith ©

Michael Whitney

Team 4

Rob De Boos ©

Matthew Anderson

Tim Dawson

Leanne Nelson

Team 5

Adam Palmer ©

Michael Alexander

Kurtis Smith

Elissa Macaw

Team 6

Bob Milne ©

Glenn Butcher

Leanne Snell

Vin Snell

Emergencies -First Call

The Guru

1 and 2

Margaret McKenzie

3 and 4

Ged Salter

3 and 4

Vaughan  till March 16

3 and 4

Hailey -4 till March 16

3 and 4



A couple of changes in the first 2 weeks

1.       Leanne Snell replaced first week 11 February by Greg Caddy

2.       Michael Alexander second week 18 February replaced by the Guru

3.       Margaret McKenzie to replace Tim Dawson first week 11 February.

4.       Riley Snell to replace Adam Palmer second week 18 February.

5.       I would expect Margaret to play more than a normal emergency with Leanne Nelson not available every week in first term.


If you need both Hailey and Vaughan prior to their departure then do not put them together and destroy the good thing they have going. Marriage?


If anybody else is still interested please contact me before the end of the second week


Rules are as per last email. The spreadsheet with player details and the draw will be sent by the end of the week.

One new rule is if you start feeling dizzy you can’t come off and pop a pill and start red lining your game for the last 2 sets. It is called sportsmanship.


Fees are $5 per member and $15 per non-member . Follow the lead of that most enterprising of fellow’s –Matthew Anderson, Aka Scooter Man, who has become a member and will save about $80 over the course of the year on Tuesday night tennis alone.


Another enterprising fellow –our self esteemed treasurer Andrew Judd has set up the square payment facility so bring your credit cards or somebody else’s to make payment easier on the night.


Be there and be square.





Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143




New Tuesday Night Season Starts in Feb.

Hi Tuesday night swingers,

We need to get organised for the 2020 season so dust off those knee, elbow and ankle braces and get back on court. Please let us know by Friday at the latest if you have what it takes in 2020.


Format will be the same as last season. The rules have been reviewed to ensure that the wrong team does not make the grand final this season.


Key rules:

1.       Teams of 4 players who all play on the night. All players are to be ranked 1 to 4 on the basis of ability,  experience and size of donation.

2.       Still a mixed and doubles based social comp. That won’t change. More women needed. Where have they gone?

3.       All 4 players will play 3 sets of doubles, partnering with the other 3 players in the team.

4.       For example, if you are the number 4 in the team and are a little more challenged in terms of experience, and luck, you will always play against the corresponding number 4 in the other team in each of the 3 sets. So 1 & 4 in your team will play their 1 & 4; 2 & 4 will play their 2 & 4; and 3 & 4 will play their 3 & 4. That’s your 3 matches on the night.  As well of course 1 & 2 will play their 1 & 2; 1 & 3 will play their 1 & 3 ;and 2 & 3 will play their 2 & 3.

5.       Each match will be one 6 game set with 7 point tie break at 6 games all. There will be enough courts allocated for people to be on and off quickly between sets. We will have the 6 courts available if required. A little bit of mingling and drinking time in between should be fun.

6.       We plan to have a pool of emergencies if one of the 4 players is not available. However we need committed players to make it work and not stuff other people up on the night. No play on school holidays.


8.       For finals you are allowed only one emergency, outside your 4 players. The Adam Palmer rule.


9.       All nets must be measured before play on all courts. The Bob Milne rule.


10.   The higher ranked finalists can decide which courts they play on –Blue or En Tout Cas. The Mitch Smith rule


11.   During the season you can have up to 2 emergencies but none of them can be higher ranked than your missing players. All emergencies or new players coming in during the season will have to be ranked and official paper work will need to be lodged with the guru before they can play. Got that Moon, Anthony, Glenn and Greg!. The Conspirators rule.


12.   We plan a grading round on Tuesday 4 February at 7.30, and start the season proper on the 11th. Remember if you are one of the 4 players you play every week.


13.   All players will need to be there at 7.15 on the 11 February for briefing. Captains will be selected on the basis of demonstrated leadership potential, or if the other 3 in your team clearly couldn’t organise a chook raffle. Some mothers do have them and AT has its fair share.


If we don’t hear from you I will assume that you have pulled the pin and are handing over to a new generation of hackers.




Grant Plozza, Director


GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143