Tuesday Night Tennis Winter Finals 2020

Hi Tuesday night simulated swingers,

 

The results are finally in for the Tuesday Night simulated finals. There has been a massive delay with protests lodged in the semi finals by the 2 losing teams. Both protests were dismissed after a no holds barred review process. The detailed findings will be opened to the public in 50 years.  Of course Adam Palmers team was one of the sore or unlucky losers, and Bob Milne who complained that the nets were too high at least on their side of the court. Adam had appealed against the windy conditions denying him and his team the opportunity to apply their superior talent, and it was a bit chilly as well. 

 

On the court, Mitch Smith’s fluffy ducks came from behind to topple the top placed Slippery Slammers. Three sets all it came down to games. Marvellous tennis was played by all, but the fluffy ducks were just that little bit more marvellous. You could say the tennis was infectious as were probably some of the spectators. Andrew Judd’s Harvey Ball bangers got home by 1 game in the other semi with Moon the star as she wound back the clock to I don’t know when. Honorary mentions to the Snell’s who both had great season’s along with Glenn the Butcher. I am sorry Leanne to put you both on the same level.

 

The guru had to fill in for Mitch Smith’s fluffy ducks as Greg had left for Gippsland to live. We are all envious that he has been able to escape the dark side. He must of driven half the night to avoid armed check points. The guru had to swallow his pride and play alongside a long time adversary. A new found respect was born temporarily that would carry them to the premiership. Although it was the Guru who wound back the clock to his halcyon pre-war days. Mitch, Jarrod and Leigh all played their small part.  

 

The Grand final was played under lockdown as we were forced to lock out spectators who were desperate to get in. Some bluffed and bribed their way in despite the presence of Security guards on the gate, and also despite the guards having received extensive training in integrity, common sense and not sleeping with the players and spectators. They have been sent back to the hotels as a consequence.

 

The Harvey Ball Bangers were obviously overawed by the reputation of the opposition in the GF but battled gamely and were worthy losers. Cobey resurrected the Smith name after it had been trashed earlier in the season. 

 

MVP goes to Adam Palmer just to shut him up after a litany of complaints. He did have his moments.

 

Please get your entries in quickly for next season as it will begin the first week in February 2022. There will be bonus points for the team with the most innovative masks.

The keg will be back and the new deck will be the place to be seen.

 

I hope you have a wall somewhere.

 

Cheers

 

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


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Round 3 Tuesday Night Tennis in Simulation

Hi Tuesday night swingers,

I must start with a couple of apologies. One from Leanne –she won’t do it again. Back to her “butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth” tennis. She Let her racquet do the talking and did it have a lot to say. The De Boos express is on a roll. But it was still 3 all against Mitch’s mob.

 

I am sorry to Elissa as she was writing the teams on the board last week not the betting odds. Yer sure.

 

My dream was cut short this week just as I got to Adam Palmer’s match point in the last deciding match. I assume he lost it. Psyched himself out!. 3 all, then, to Bob’s team. I see just before I wake up Bob being carried triumphantly off the court by his adoring fans, and Glenn, Leanne and Vin muttering that’s what we did during the matches as well.  Then Helen kicked me at the vital stage and it’s a worry as she was awake at the time.

 

Mitch couldn’t play this week as one of his knees was a tiny bit sore. Wise move as the Guru filled in for him and was moving like a cheetah (very fast cat) this week, last week it was a gazelle. Leigh and the Guru together means only one thing, Danger!. Jarred was swinging from the rafters with that massive serve. The racquet was smokin hot but I see it disintegrating along with his game. Player of the year, yer sure but he was. Always next dream.

 

The Harvey Ball Bangers had a tight 3 sets all win, with Moon winning all her matches but nobody else from her side won. Moon’s practice against the wall is now legendary, after she dealt with the initial frustration of all her shots coming back. Aya and Rod had a another win but face sanctions for bringing the club and its spiritual leader into disrepute.

 

Another retraction from last week as Michael W makes piano’s but does he play them?.

 

Cheers    

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


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Tuesday Night Swingers Update. Tennis has returned

Hi There Tuesday night swingers,

Hands up those who won’t be able to resume as they cannot match pre covid19 skinfolds. For Aspendale Tennis (AT) one solider goes down and we just get another one but it won’t be in brown and gold –not a good look.

 

Last night I had a dream although it’s not 1963 and I’m not Martin Luther King. They were the results from Tuesday nights play, Round 7, and you wouldn’t believe it but there were some major upsets. It was so real that when I woke up I thought I was still in the dream, and I had all the scores. I’m going to count this as Round 2.

 

Rob De Boos team, Sexon the entecar, (Sexon being a famous kids character) had their first win of the season cleaning up the Harvey Ball Bangers captained by Andrew Judd. How did this happen?. Rob brought out his spinny little serve that does not bounce and Leanne and Tim intimidated their opponents with trash talk. The tennis was dragged into the gutter but Leanne didn’t care, they would do anything for that first win. The guru also filled in for Kurtis who was isolated at his girlfriend’s place but not sure on this one as there is no covid19 in my dream. The guru wound back the clock as he moved like a gazelle and it was very sad for him to wake up later.

 

In another massive upset, the Pet Wussies led by Aya Smith overcome the Slippery Slammers, not led by Adam Palmer. This finished 3 sets all but Rod and Aya wound back the clock also to win their set 6-1 as they teamed like a well oiled machine, totally in sync. How did this happen?. Aya made Rod stand wide in the doubles alley and took everything. I can see Rod talking to people on the other court. Matene and Adam went hammer and tongs and I don’t know who won that battle as the dust/en tout cas had not settled. In my dream, however, I can see Adam talking to anyone who would listen but nobody does.  Michael A, Matthew and Elissa are devastated with their first loss but Elissa laid odds on losing and has made good money. I see the odds listed on the white board.  At the very end I see Adam on the guitar and Michael W on a piano and the keg and home brew flowing freely. I see no pizza or Greg but I do see a figure keeping watch at the front gate –could there be a connection. I also can’t work out how the piano got there.

 

In the other match I see Mitch giving his team a pep talk on court. Most of them are looking away and showing no interest. He is animated though and then points to the net to be checked. He is after all playing Bob’s team. I see Leigh playing in a Cats jumper, and along with Mitch they proceed to play inspired tennis until Mitch hurls himself at a wide forehand, and is airborne as he tries to hit his infamous off forehand, only to crash to the ground skinning both knees. Mitch can’t go on although I have no idea why. Nothing worse than  a wounded tiger. Ben Milne comes on as a replacement and starts destroying his father’s game with scintillating forehands and backhands to all corners. The net starts to get higher and higher for Bob and he cannot even see over the top. Leanne and Vin get rolled for the first time and Vin is also asked to stand wide in the doubles alley. In a nice touch Aya and Rod are the first to commiserate with them. Then more people come over and everybody is suddenly hugging and touching.      

 

Tennis may return soon in NSW, WA, SA, Qld, ACT, NT and Tas. So lets cheer them all on!

 

Instead of a hot milo tonite, have a glass of disinfectant and your problems will be over. Just ask your Uncle Donald.

 

Let me know if anybody has a similar dream.

 

Cheers

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


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Tuesday Night Tennis during the dark ages

Hi Tuesday swingers,

The world is changing forever and Tuesday night tennis must move with it or become irreverent.

We will be playing with masks and gloves on our return on the other side. 2020 AD will become 1 AC.

At least we can put the club logo on our masks. But I am not sure how the Chicken man will be able to commentate his way through a match. Sign language perhaps.

 

The Guru, I understand, has moved on after the netgate affair, which cost him a premiership, and then a tigers premiership (Double whammy that would destroy a lesser man) -where was Covid19 in Sept 19. Obviously alive and well in China.

 

A comeback may be on the cards and the Guru has already played simulated matches against some of the Tuesday night pretenders. I know he has woken up during the night playing shots to all parts of the court. I hope he can share some of these matches over the next few weeks and see who is the best simulated swinger. Some might call it mindfulness, some might call it bizarre, I would call it a little bit out there.

 

I hope team captains are maintaining morale with regular 4 player video hook-ups. For Rob and Aya all is not lost, nothing a new brand, new culture and new game plan can’t fix. For Mitch all is lost!

 

On the other side, I hope the keg still has miles left in it and that the touchy feely people return -but perhaps not.

 

If you have a wall at home get out there with racquet, ball and mask. See if you can beat the wall as that is what you will need to do against Palmer, De Boos and Snell –not Vin, and Bob if the net is lowered.

 

As the song says “keep em separated”.

 

Have loads of fun. Mitch, who is winning junior scrabble amongst your tennis crew?

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD

 

Tuesday Night Season 2020 Round 4.

Hi Tuesday night Swingers,

After 2 rounds of play the Slippery Slammers -Adam Palmer  and Old fashioned –Bob Milne are both undefeated. However, the best name goes to Andrew Judd’s team, who have followed the cocktail theme, with Harvey Ball Bangers. Old fashioned –what type of cocktail is that, but the team is old so the name does not lie. Perhaps it is a case of too old, too slow, too good.

 

Bob interviewed immediately  after Tuesday night’s matches said to the Guru that he is in career best form. Bob has been known to go early on some of his calls and the old humble pie could be out on the table in a couple of weeks.

 

The Smith name was not trending this week after Mitch Smith’s Fluffy Ducks and Aya Smith’s Pet Wussies went down in a screaming heap. The Guru had teamed Aya and Rod together to allow them to capitalise on their great togetherness and mental telepathy on the court where they would play as one seamless unit. Perhaps the thick humid air blocked those waves as they went down 6-0. Humiliated but not disgraced. They need take a leaf out of Vin and Leanne’s book at least until the storm clouds roll in on their court.

 

 Rob De Boos’ team is Sexon the entecar. What the hell!. Is that your baby’s favourite cartoon.

 

Cheers

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD

 

Open Day

Sunday 16th February 2020 from 12am

Fun activities for all ages with our coach and his team plus other activities you can come and indulge in, as an individual or with your family.


Discounted memberships available for any new members who join up on the day


FREE TENNIS 12pm—2pm

Tuesday night Comp starts on 11 February. Not too Late

 

Hi Tuesday Night Swingers,

 

We kick off next Tuesday night. Please be there at 7.15 for your riding instructions.

We have lost some players, especially younger ones. They just don’t make them like they used to. The Guru is an emergency and you can’t blame him for maintaining his reputation by not being associated with the lower standard. Bob has been moved from No 5 to No 1 –say no more!

There will be no bye this season with 6 teams and there will be no comp during school holidays.

 

Let’s make the Guru eat his words.

 

New Season 2020

Player 1

Player 2

Player 3

Player 4

Team 1

Cobey Smith

Ali Samirad

Andrew Judd ©

Moon Liu

Team 2

Mitch Smith ©

Greg Jones

Jarred Porch

Leigh Clarke

Team 3

Matene Herbert

Rod Smith

Aya Smith ©

Michael Whitney

Team 4

Rob De Boos ©

Matthew Anderson

Tim Dawson

Leanne Nelson

Team 5

Adam Palmer ©

Michael Alexander

Kurtis Smith

Elissa Macaw

Team 6

Bob Milne ©

Glenn Butcher

Leanne Snell

Vin Snell

Emergencies -First Call

The Guru

1 and 2

Margaret McKenzie

3 and 4

Ged Salter

3 and 4

Vaughan  till March 16

3 and 4

Hailey -4 till March 16

3 and 4

 

 

A couple of changes in the first 2 weeks

1.       Leanne Snell replaced first week 11 February by Greg Caddy

2.       Michael Alexander second week 18 February replaced by the Guru

3.       Margaret McKenzie to replace Tim Dawson first week 11 February.

4.       Riley Snell to replace Adam Palmer second week 18 February.

5.       I would expect Margaret to play more than a normal emergency with Leanne Nelson not available every week in first term.

 

If you need both Hailey and Vaughan prior to their departure then do not put them together and destroy the good thing they have going. Marriage?

 

If anybody else is still interested please contact me before the end of the second week

 

Rules are as per last email. The spreadsheet with player details and the draw will be sent by the end of the week.

One new rule is if you start feeling dizzy you can’t come off and pop a pill and start red lining your game for the last 2 sets. It is called sportsmanship.

 

Fees are $5 per member and $15 per non-member . Follow the lead of that most enterprising of fellow’s –Matthew Anderson, Aka Scooter Man, who has become a member and will save about $80 over the course of the year on Tuesday night tennis alone.

 

Another enterprising fellow –our self esteemed treasurer Andrew Judd has set up the square payment facility so bring your credit cards or somebody else’s to make payment easier on the night.

 

Be there and be square.

 

Cheers

 

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD

 

New Tuesday Night Season Starts in Feb.

Hi Tuesday night swingers,

We need to get organised for the 2020 season so dust off those knee, elbow and ankle braces and get back on court. Please let us know by Friday at the latest if you have what it takes in 2020.

 

Format will be the same as last season. The rules have been reviewed to ensure that the wrong team does not make the grand final this season.

 

Key rules:

1.       Teams of 4 players who all play on the night. All players are to be ranked 1 to 4 on the basis of ability,  experience and size of donation.

2.       Still a mixed and doubles based social comp. That won’t change. More women needed. Where have they gone?

3.       All 4 players will play 3 sets of doubles, partnering with the other 3 players in the team.

4.       For example, if you are the number 4 in the team and are a little more challenged in terms of experience, and luck, you will always play against the corresponding number 4 in the other team in each of the 3 sets. So 1 & 4 in your team will play their 1 & 4; 2 & 4 will play their 2 & 4; and 3 & 4 will play their 3 & 4. That’s your 3 matches on the night.  As well of course 1 & 2 will play their 1 & 2; 1 & 3 will play their 1 & 3 ;and 2 & 3 will play their 2 & 3.

5.       Each match will be one 6 game set with 7 point tie break at 6 games all. There will be enough courts allocated for people to be on and off quickly between sets. We will have the 6 courts available if required. A little bit of mingling and drinking time in between should be fun.

6.       We plan to have a pool of emergencies if one of the 4 players is not available. However we need committed players to make it work and not stuff other people up on the night. No play on school holidays.

 

8.       For finals you are allowed only one emergency, outside your 4 players. The Adam Palmer rule.

 

9.       All nets must be measured before play on all courts. The Bob Milne rule.

 

10.   The higher ranked finalists can decide which courts they play on –Blue or En Tout Cas. The Mitch Smith rule

 

11.   During the season you can have up to 2 emergencies but none of them can be higher ranked than your missing players. All emergencies or new players coming in during the season will have to be ranked and official paper work will need to be lodged with the guru before they can play. Got that Moon, Anthony, Glenn and Greg!. The Conspirators rule.

 

12.   We plan a grading round on Tuesday 4 February at 7.30, and start the season proper on the 11th. Remember if you are one of the 4 players you play every week.

 

13.   All players will need to be there at 7.15 on the 11 February for briefing. Captains will be selected on the basis of demonstrated leadership potential, or if the other 3 in your team clearly couldn’t organise a chook raffle. Some mothers do have them and AT has its fair share.

 

If we don’t hear from you I will assume that you have pulled the pin and are handing over to a new generation of hackers.

 

Cheers   

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD

 

Tuesday Night Tennis Grand Final

Hi Tuesday Night Swingers,

A fun packed Grand Final night with a great turn out. What was different? Everybody loved the tennis but they loved the keg more. The tennis did deliver with only 3 games separating the teams in the end. The “Sponge Bob Square Ponts” prevailed over “Point Break” and congratulations to Rob De Boos, Bob Milne, Rod Smith and Jarred Porch. Hardly household names like the mighty Smith’s – Mitch, Coby & Aya and Leigh Clarke (Leigh wasn’t able to change his name to Smith at the last minute)- but they got the job done. It is good that everybody had moved on from the “netgate” scandal in the semi-final  even if it defined a season. We haven’t finished looking at security footage however.

 

The 4 player format proved a roaring success and we will continue with it next season after weeding out the cheats of course.

 

Well done to our award winners

Jarred Porch –Most Improved. Started from a low base.

Andrew Judd –Best clubman. Likely to be phased out next season, the award that is.

Bailey Judd –Best First year player. Not sure we had another one. Just played enough matches, 1 I think

Cobey Smith -MVP Second Place. Modesty forbids me. Next best Mitch Smith, Rob De Boos and Adam Palmer. What do these 3 have in common – Yes, you guessed it their eye’s carry that killer stare on court.

Court Jesters –Joint winners Adam Palmer and Anthony Cameron. Nothing more needs to be said.

 

Hope to see you back next season. Ged is keen for us to set up on Whatsapp. Great idea I reckon.

 

Elissa, Bob, Adam and Andrew have been conscripted to the selection committee. Meeting in January for a February first week start.

Get your entries in for 2020, and explain in 50 words why we should persevere with you next season.

 

Thanks to everybody for making it our best season so far. Have a great festive season but keep an eye on your individualised pre-season program.

 

I hope Santa brings you plenty of goodies  

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD

 

Tuesday Night Finals next week

Hearty congratulations from AT & Tennis Vic to our four finalists – 1 Point Break (Mitch Smith), 2 Love Guru, 3 Sponge Bob Square Ponts, and 4 Field of Dreams (Elissa Macaw). So sad for 5th Second Serve (Andrew Judd) and close 6th Apollo 13 (Moon Liu) who both left nothing on the court except blood stains. 7th spot remind me please.

 

So tough was the competition last night, that I nearly heard Moon utter an expletive. Nearly that is!. But I really think she did!. Amazing that the 3 teams fighting for 4th spot all won. Even if Glenn and Moon pulled the old stunt of playing 2 number 2s, instead of a number 2 and number 3, against the Love Guru. Shame on them was the call from the terraces but who could blame them, desperate times call for desperate measures.   

 

How about the top team, “Point Break” having the bye in the last week before the finals. Sounds like an omen to me. Cats are Mitch’s second team too. We all know what that means! They play Field of Dreams and we will all have to put up with Anthony in the main game for at least another week. The odd couple Anthony and Greg are proving a tough combination to crack, along with Matthew and Elissa who might add some sanity.

 

In the other semi against the Ponts or the punks, the Love Guru is putting the Number 1 spot out to tender for one week. This is a short term assignment and we do not need to get council approval or else the season will run for another 6 or 12 months. Players applying must provide a list of achievements and personality type to see if they fit in. If playing for the Love Guru they must feel the …..   .Chicken Palmer is unavailable but will be back in his true fashion to take all the glory in the grand final.

 

Grand Final night 17 December will be party time with Pizza night and presentations. Everybody is to play, with the remaining 5 teams on 4 courts in a fast 4 match up to determine the real bottom team. I am giving you a chance Ged to redeem your team.

 

Hang tough.

 

 

 

Grant Plozza, Director

 

GP Business Solutions

CPA Public Practice. SMSF & Trust Auditor  

M 0412 163 143

 


    SSAUD